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My sister Teresa has become transformed into a Home Depot Junkie. I am afraid that she is growing an additional appendage…shaped like a Swiss Army knife with paint brushes, hammers, and screwdrivers instead of blades. I swear the service people know her on a first name basis…and she has that orangish glow too. I hate to be a snitch…but I must report that she is unfaithful. I can produce evidence that she is also mingling with the Help at Lowes and HD Supply. Tsk. Tsk. Shocking behavior.

Truthfully, I think Teresa can recite the VIN numbers on most of the items in the Lighting, Cabinet, and Tile aisles. She is also trying to promote a new fad by sporting pale blue paint under her nails and a smudge that appears to be permanent across her cheeks…as in face and butt. It’s a good look.

Good news is that we are almost done with the remodel and soon Mom and Teresa will be moving into their beautiful home. No more living out of suitcases in my guest room. Mom can’t wait and Teresa’s mental health will be in jeopardy if the move-in is delayed much longer. Soon, real soon, they will be permanent residents at Faulkner Court in Ventura. Yay. Yay I say!

While we rejoice…the poor boys at the Holy Trinity of Home Improvement Stores will be crying in their beer. They will surely miss Teresa once she breaks this habit. This is a case where going cold turkey is an absolute necessity.

September 2011

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